By John W. Lillpop

Much to the chagrin of leftist nut cases in San Francisco and all across the great nation of America, conservative superstar Michael Savage has been voted among the most influential political pundits in America.

This good news for the good Dr. comes from telegraph.co.uk, from across the great pond.

In notching this spectacular victory over mainstream media, Dr. Savage out ranked the likes of Peggy Noonan, James Carville, Tony Snow, Newt Gingrich, Juan Williams, and Bill Kristol, among many others.

In acknowledging Dr. Savage as the 25th most influential, the Limey rag included this biographical sketch:

“With ten million listeners, he is the third most listened-to Right-wing talk show host, but directs most of his brash, passionate ire at cultural rather than political targets.

A liberal in the 1960s, by the mid 2000s a brief stint on MSNBC ended when he wished the curse of Aids upon a listener who turned out to be a prankster. As Michael Weiner, his proper name, he is a widely-published homeopathy expert.”

Telegraph:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/1913909/The-most-influential-US-political-pundits-30-21.html

Of course, the Brits conveniently failed to note Savage’s educational achievements (Ph.D. and two masters from Berkeley), his four New York Times’ Best Sellers on political matters, his efforts to bring justice to U.S. Marines unfairly charged with crimes in Iraq, his Herculean efforts to expose illegal aliens as a curse on America, his tireless work to expose CAIR and other Muslim groups as the anti-American terrorists that they really are, and his spot on identification of liberalism as a mental disorder.

Moreover, Savage should be in the top five, or to be perfectly honest, he should be designated as the # 1 Most Influential of American pundits.

After all, Rush Limbaugh is too predictable and devoid of new ideas, Bill O’Reilly is too wishy washy, and Sean Hannity hangs out with dodo heads like Alan Colmes, for gosh sakes.

Of course, expecting editors at a Limie rag to have real stones would be asking far too much, right? At least Dr. Savage made the cut and received a smidgen of the glory that he so richly deserves.

More good news: A cursory look at the top 50 names reveals that ultra-leftist and former talk show host Bernie Ward did not even merit honorable mention.

Perhaps the crew at telegraph.co.uk should create another category for the likes of the former Lion of the Left?

How about “Most Influential Child Pornographer”? Alleged, of course!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

United States Attorney Christopher Christie, New Jersey’s top federal prosecutor, is rumored to be interested in running for governor of that state in the near future.

Christie’s personal political aspirations may help explain his insane pandering to the Latino Leadership Alliance of New Jersey in which he assured the assembled crowd that living in the United States illegally is not illegal.

Say what?

Yes, you heard correctly. Illegal ain’t illegal, at least in the opinion of one demented and politically ambitious federal prosecutor.

This out of touch prosecutor, who is obviously a RINO and quite possibly a closeted Democrat, was trolling for Hispanic votes when he said, “Don’t let people make you believe that that’s a crime that the U.S. Attorney’s office should be doing something about. It’s not.”

Judicialwatch:
http://www.judicialwatch.org/blog/u-s-atty-says-undocumented-immigrants-not-illegal

Christie expanded his remarks with even more good news for Latinos: It is not a crime to cross US borders illegally, to engage in ID theft and forgery so as to secure employment and credit, or to steal public services to which illegals are not entitled.

Appointed by President George W. Bush in 2001, Christie offered several other mindless views:

* Driving 100 mph without seat belts is not a crime, as so ably demonstrated by the current New Jersey Governor, Jon Corzine;

*Evading income taxes is not a crime, because tax rates are much too high:

*Murder and rape may not be crimes provided one hires a tough minded lawyer who specializes in jury tampering and subornation of justice as defense tactics.

All in all, Christie emphasized that while the law may be a bitch in other states, in New Jersey it is more of a cafeteria plan. Latinos are free to pick and choose the laws they agree with and which are convenient to follow.

On the other hand, Latinos are perfectly justified in ignoring federal, state, and local laws that exist only to harass brown people and which are otherwise a pain in the ass. Examples include laws that make it a crime to drive while intoxicated, or for illegal aliens to vote in U.S. elections.

Christie believes that such statutes fail to recognize important Latino customs and culture and, as such, are unconstitutional and unnecessary, especially when one is running for governor.

Christie’s presentation uncovered another vital truth:
In New Jersey, being a stupid federal prosecutor is not a crime!

By John W. Lillpop

When the political process for the 2008 elections began in 2007, the Democrats appeared to have two formidable candidates in Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Both had strong support among Democrat voters, and each was seen as a likely victor against whomever the Republicans might offer as their human sacrifice in the 2008 election.

Back in April of 2007, the only questions seemed to be, “How completely will the Democrat candidate demolish the GOP rival?” and “How many additional seats in the US House and Senate will the Democrat tsunami wash into power?”

But after more than a year of mudslinging and negative campaign tactics by the Democrats, Richard Nixon’s infamous dirty tricks team of 1972 appears mild and overly polite by comparison.

As a result, the Democrat Party and it’s candidates have spent hundreds of millions of increasingly worthless America dollars to wean out the unworthy in order to answer this burning question:

Which of the candidates, Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, is the least “unelectable” come November?

At this point, it seems obvious that both candidates are badly flawed and have the battle scars to prove it!

Barack Obama is inexperienced and naive, at best. At worse, his inexplicable patronage of the outrageous Reverend Jeremiah Wright for nearly 20 years suggests a deeply flawed values and judgment capability, which is incompatible with serving as America’s CEO and commander-in-chief.

For her part, Hillary Clinton has given credence to those who portray her as a ruthless schemer who is quite capable of generating impromptu lies as need to score political points. Her disapproval ratings hover near 50 percent, which proves once again that you cannot fool all the people all the time.

Our founding fathers must surely be rolling over in their graves when reflecting on the fact that so much time and money has been spent, and will be spent, to decide which Democrat is the least unelectable!

For optimistic conservatives, the obvious answer is: Both of the above!

By John W. Lillpop

Pope Benedict’s recent pilgrimage to America focused on two major issues of the day. Namely, the untoward history of sexual abuse by Catholic priests and the church’s anti-law and order position when it comes to illegal aliens.

The two issues may, in fact, be intertwined more than generally realized.

Specifically, as police in San Jose, California are discovering, some alleged men of God may actually be motivated more by sexual lust than “Christian Compassion” when it comes to fighting for illegal aliens.

Take the case of Pastor Gustavo Antonio Lanzas, former pastor of Iglesia Cristiana Luz y Verdad, Spanish for the Christian Church of Light and Truth.

SJMN:

http://www.mercurynews.com//ci_9081381?IADID=Search-www.mercurynews.com-www.mercurynews.com

Lanzas, 64, is being held in a Santa Clara County Jail, without bail, after being accused of 12 felony counts of lewd acts with a minor. Additional charges may be added, according to prosecutor Jim Demertzis.

The undoing of Lanzas and disclosure of his alleged sexual crimes came when a 16-year-old boy charged that he been molested by the family’s priest, Pastor Gustavo Antonio Lanzas, starting when the boy was just 13.

San Jose police say they have identified six possible victims of Lanzas’ alleged sexual indiscretions, and want to talk to several other families.

Police point out that illegal aliens are particularly vulnerable to assault by priestly predators because illegals fear having their illegal status exposed. Unholy men apparently use that fear to keep young prey quiet.

It is bad enough when prominent leaders in any church eschew Biblical admonitions concerning “Do not steal,” “Do not covet your neighbor’s property,” and “Do not bear false witness” in order to defend those here unlawfully.

It is far worse, and unforgivably evil, to promote violation of the law in order to have a readily available stock of young, fearful prey with which to satisfy one’s perverted lust.

Illegal aliens are a curse on America. Preventing and reversing the invasion of America should in no way be mollified by heeding the words of religious leaders driven by sexual lust.

By John W. Lillpop

Peter A. Magowan, managing general partner of the San Francisco Giants, knows nearly everything there is to know about business, but next to nothing about judging baseball talent. Still, Magowan’s commitment to bringing a baseball world championship to The City is commendable.

In his zeal to honor San Francisco with a World Series winner, Mr. Magowan has taken some extraordinary measures, based on advice received from General Manager Brian Sabean and other “baseball people” in his organization.

For example, in December 2006, the Giants gave left-handed pitcher Barry Zito the keys to the corporate coffers via a guaranteed contract reportedly worth $126 million dollars, or roughly $18 million a year.

At the time, Zito was a highly touted Cy Young award winner and three time All Star. In addition, Zito last pitched for the Oakland Athletics, cross-bay rivals of the Giants, so signing him would be a PR coup for the Giants.

Pitchers, especially southpaws (left-handed), are highly coveted commodities in baseball. Magowan and his minions no doubt calculated that Zito, a southpaw well known for his idiosyncrasies and offbeat personality, could lead the Giants to the winner’s circle after 49 years of wretched failure in San Francisco.

Overall, the Giants (both New York and San Francisco) have not supped from the cup of winner’s champagne for 54 years, going back to the club’s pummeling of the Cleveland Indians in the 1954 World Series.

The last time the baseball Giants won a world championship, Dwight Eisenhower was President of the United States, the nation of Israel was six years old, black baseball players had been around for seven years, gasoline was a dime a gallon AND station attendants filled your tank, checked your oil, washed your windshield, and gave you booty for patronizing their business.

When Giants fans last celebrated being No. 1, Hillary Clinton was ten years old, the birth of Barack Obama was still seven years in the future, and John McCain was already too old to be president!

In other words, the San Francisco Giants were desperate for World Series success, especially in light of Barry Bonds advancing age, gimpy knees, rumored culpability with regard to steroids, and possible indictment by a federal grand jury.

Magowan apparently believed that Barry Zito could be the missing link in the San Francisco Giants frenzied, never ending search for World Series gold. Thus, Zito was signed to the largest contract awarded to a pitcher in the history of baseball.

2007 was a major disappointment for the Giants and especially for Barry Zito. Zito got off to a very poor start, pitched better near the end of the season, and ended with a record of 11-13, which means that his presence cost the Giants two games, net.

Because Zito pitched so well late in 2007, the Giants and their fans were looking forward to a strong 2008 from the affable hurler, who above all else is a fine and decent human being.

Unfortunately, 2008 has not been kind to Barry Zito. His latest implosion came on April 27 in San Francisco where he surrendered eight earned runs in three innings, and saw his record fall to 0-6.

In other words, since 2007, the net effect of having Barry Zito on the mound has cost the San Francisco Giants eight losses and roughly $24 million dollars.

Although I have always been a Dodger fan, I have decided to offer my services to the Giants and have FEDEXed the following letter to Peter Magowan

“Dear Mr. Magowan,

John Lillpop
San Jose, Ca”

By John W. Lillpop

On October 3, 1995, OJ Simpson was acquitted of murder. His guilt had seemed so obvious, to some. The verdict shocked and angered scores of millions of Americans.

In the minds of millions of Americans, Judge Lance Ito had presided over a miscarriage of justice that allowed a brutal killer to escape punishment for heinous crimes.

Many continue to believe that OJ Simpson killed Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, both white, and should have been executed or imprisoned for life, instead of being set free.

Reverend Al Sharpton was not among those who lamented Simpson’s acquittal.

In fact, no religious or political leader lead angry protesters through the streets to demand that Los Angeles be shut down because of the trial result.

Fast forward to April 25, 2008, where Queens Supreme Court Justice Arthur Cooperman ruled that three police officers were not guilty of murder in the case involving a black man, Sean Bell.

In this case, Reverend Al Sharpton decided that the verdict was unacceptable. The Reverend had this to say:

“We strategically know how to stop the city so people stand still and realize that you do not have the right to shoot down unarmed, innocent civilians,” Sharpton told an overflow crowd of several hundred people at his National Action Network office in the historically black Manhattan neighborhood. “This city is going to deal with the blood of Sean Bell.”

Of course, the reverend offered no specific details about why the verdict was wrong–except, presumably, for the fact that Sean Bell was black. That hardly seems reason enough to shut down a major world city.

I might agree with Sharpton if he had offered logical, concrete arguments. If there was legal malfeasance and racist manipulation in this complicated case, perhaps New York should be shut down.

However, there is another side to this story and the facts used by the court to reach the verdict.

Specifically, Judge Cooperman noted the unreliability of prosecution witnesses, through their renunciations and inconsistent statements, past criminal convictions and motivation to lie on the stand. The judge said “These factors played a significant part in the people’s ability to prosecute their case and had the effect of eviscerating the credibility of the people’s witnesses…. at times the testimony just didn’t make sense.”

Judge Cooperman also said:

“A trial is defined as a formal examination of the facts of a case by a court of law to decide the validity of a charge. It is also defined in the dictionary as a hardship, and, in many ways, this trial was a hardship.”

The big question: Does a “formal examination of the facts of a case by a court of law” have any meaning to Reverend Sharpton or the millions of Americans who continue to believe that OJ Simpson escaped justice?

The bigger question: Are people who disagree with a verdict entitled to shut down a city based on that disagreement, however biased it may be?

The Really big question: Is it too late to shut down Los Angeles?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Although Thanksgiving is still more than seven months away, it seems fitting to take stock and give thanks now, while there is still something left to be grateful for.

Indeed, given the dismal slate of presidential candidates from which Americans will choose this November, Thanksgiving Day 2008 may be a dreary day, devoid of all cheer and hope.

My top 10 “thankful” items as of today:

1. I am not addicted to rice.

2. Could not qualify to purchase that 3 bedroom/ 1.5 bath, 1,200 square foot “dream home” in Silicon Valley for $700,000 last year. That would be the same castle now listed in foreclosure for less than $200,000!

3. My financial “advisor” was laid off and is in financial chaos. Wonder whose lousy advise lead Ms. Money Knowitall into financial Hades?

4. My real estate license has expired, saving me untold thousands of dollars in potential law suits, grief, and hate mail!

5. I am not a big fan of Ethanol.

6. The US economy is so weak that illegal aliens are flocking back to Mexico in search of better lives, lured by the Mexican Dream if you will.

7. I am not constipated. At the moment.

8. Although I am a poor, older Caucasian red neck with attitude, I have less to worry about in terms of legal dodo than either OJ Simpson or Barry Bonds.

9. The cumulative approval rating for Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and George W. Bush is nearly the same as Hillary Clinton’s disapproval mark.

10. With the money I save every month by not making payments on a $700,000 starter home, I can afford to buy enough gasoline to drive to a paralegal and file for bankruptcy!

Remember to count your blessings early and often–while you still have them!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

It is often alleged that prostitution is the oldest profession known to mankind. This, as it turns out, is not true.

If the annals of history had been compiled by ethical and honest folk instead of pointy headed liberals and so-called scholars, the world would recognize that lawyers were, in fact, here before Ladies of the Night.

Here’s how it came to pass.

Many eons ago, a young, married cave man named Ezekiel worked as a lawyer during the day and repaired leaky cave roofs at night. The young man grew disenchanted with the affections of his betrothed, especially upon learning that she was with child. Large with child, she was.

Indeed, his once beloved was no longer the svelte sex pot he dragged into his cave by the nap of the neck just six months prior. But what to do, pondered he?

Ezekiel did what any unethical lawyer would do. While tending to the roof of a beautiful, non-pregnant damsel in the next county, Ezekiel decided to employ win-win negotiation tactics with the sweet young thang.

For your favors, madam, he offered, I will compensate you $.50 for pleasures received. And so it was that the couple was joined under a leaky roof somewhere in the middle east, long, long ago.

When the dirty details of Ezekiel’s sordid affair became known to his spouse, he accused the fair maiden of seducing him for cash, wrote the first anti-prostitution law on the planet, and proceeded to act as the befuddled maiden’s defense attorney for $500 an hour!

Ezekiel’s usury pricing and corrupt practices have served as an unalterable template for all lawyers who have followed in his footsteps.

Just how corrupt are modern day lawyers? Do the names Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Sandy Berger sound an alarm?

The most intriguing fact about lawyers is their obsession with convoluted, incomprehensible language.

For instance, when my ex and I decided that our robust flame of romance had turned into something akin to the 2008 Olympic Torch, we sat down calmly and drafted the terms of our disengagement. In simple, plain English, it was.

She got the dog, I got the bird. She kept the house, I kept the mortgage payment book.

And so it was that we agreed on the division of our community property, without the assistance of some out-of-touch lawyer in a $3,000 dress suit paid for with frivolous lawsuits.

Instead, we went to a mediator, that being an attorney who was supposed to be neutral and an advocate for neither side. When we sat down with this so-called vital cog in the wheel of justice, we were at peace with each other and with our dissolution agreement.

Of course, the mediator immediately scoffed at our plain English separation agreement. For the tidy sum of $2,000, this legal whiz converted our document into 12 pages of double spaced mumbo jumbo comprehensible only to another lawyer working on a $500 per hour clock!

When we last met with this pathetic thief, Mrs. Lillpop and I were at each other’s throats and ready to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each to pummel the other into a lifetime of abject poverty and humiliation.

Cooler heads prevailed, however, and it is only I who have been pummeled into poverty and humiliation.

Becoming a lawyer requires a considerable amount of intelligence and hard work. Take the case of Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa for instance.

Mayor Villaraigosa desperately wanted to become a lawyer, but was denied because he could not pass the bar. Instead, Villaraigosa decided that he could make more money by creating a sanctuary city for illegal aliens.

Today, Antonio Villaraigosa, sans that coveted law degree, is a wealthy and prosperous businessman who specializes in importing “illiterate peasants” to Los Angeles.

Best of all, Antonio has been spared the shame and disgrace that accrues when one is associated with the most ignoble and corrupt community in the nation: The American Bar Association!