Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

This is not meant to demean Wolf Blitzer, CNN’s top political analyst and part-time kosher food vendor. He is probably a perfectly fine and decent chap, worthy of every wooden nickel he can extort from the corrupt moguls who run CNN and Time Magazine.

Nonetheless, a spate of compassionate conservatism forces me to ask, What sort of parent would deliberately name a child Wolf to go with the surname Blitzer?

Does not the eighth Amendment to the US Constitution protect citizens from cruel and unusual punishment of the type haunting Blitzer?

Naming a child Wolf Blitzer is about as nasty as one can get, except for handing down the name Lillpop to a defenseless new born.

In fact, the physician who delivered this Lillpop was so concerned about the potential emotional harm that “Lillpop” might cause that he scribbled “TBD” in the last name of my birth certificate.

Mum penciled through “TBD” and entered “SOB,” never fully appreciating the irony of that vicious attack. Out of a deep-abiding respect and grave inheritance considerations, I never argued the point with her.

By now, it is clear that my doctor was dead wrong–being named Lillpop has not kept me down or interfered with my path to success.

Inheriting my mother’s wonky DNA has exacted a miserable toll, but my last name has had little, or nothing, to do with a lifetime of institutional-quality insanity.

Judging from his success as a famous national television star, Wolf Blitzer has not suffered too greatly because of his strange moniker.

When I first heard the name Wolf Blitzer, I thought it was the stage name for some whacked out football analyst, unemployable except when assigned to cover crushed skulls, broken bones, and copious amounts of spilled blood on Sunday mornings.

As it turns out, Wolf Blitzer is the real name of a whacked out liberal who never leaves the “Situation Room” at CNN, except when there is a full-moon, during which time he produces “Braying With Wolf,” available for a nominal fee as an Ipod download.

Again, this is not to demean Wolf in any way. He is an elitist lefty, true, but he is very bright–for a liberal!

Consider some of the most inspired quotes from Wolf *:

“Mr. President, haven’t you been watching the news? Katrina hit New Orleans five days ago. The city is flooded. Many people are homeless, desperate for food and water. They’re wondering why it’s taking so long for the government to send help.”

On this one, Wolf sort of got out of sync with reality.

Anyone with even a vague understanding of the relationship between Nazism and Republican politics knows that President Bush watches FOX News, and only Fox News!

Everyone except Wolf was also aware of the fact that during the overkill coverage of Katrina by the liberal media, FOX ran old Amos and Andy flicks non-stop!

It is called “Fair and Balanced,” Wolf baby!

How about this Wolf dilly?

“It is time for the United States, as the sole recognized intermediary, to consider more forceful action for peace.”

This quote was apparently put together immediately after Wolf interviewed President Bush while the two supped kosher, non-alcoholic iced tea in the green room outside the set of the Situation Room.

You can see Dubya’s lip prints all over those crazy words, “Forceful Action for Peace.”

Roughly translated into Duybaspeak, the term means, “America must invade Iran now, before evil doers destroy the Middle East come January 20, 2009!”

No doubt, Wolf had another meaning in mind.

Then there is this unforgettable line:

“Guess what, there’s another bomb out there, it is going to kill a lot more, but I’m not telling you where it is.”

This is a bit of a tease, because no one knows for sure exactly what Wolf was referring to.

Nonetheless, Dr. John Lilypompous, speaking on condition of anonymity, conjectures that this quote flowed from the lips of Wolf just before CNN announced that George W. Bush had been re-elected to a second term in 2004!

That’s NOT the way it is, and thank the Lord for small favors!

Wolfman: Blitzing America with liberal bias and propaganda from the Situation Room in Atlanta!

* Source:

          By John W. Lillpop

So, John McCain might pick a running mate that supports abortion rights?

The stunning thing is not McCain’s non-conservative position; rather, it is that some conservatives were actually “alarmed” by his exit, stage left.

Example of conservative reaction: “It absolutely floored me,” said Phil Burress, head of the Ohio-based Citizens for Community Values. “It would doom him in Ohio.”

CBSNEWS

With all due respect to Burress and other alleged conservatives, what is there to be alarmed or floored about?

John McCain has never been, and never will be, a true conservative.

Remember, this man nearly became a Democrat a few years back, and who can forget the summer of 2007 when he joined forces with Edward Kennedy in a horrific and wicked betrayal of American citizens in favor of illegal aliens?

John McCain holds and proudly boasts of several views that are the antithesis of conservatism on issues like global warming, taxes, and illegal aliens.

To the unwary conservative who intends to vote for McCain simply because of that R next to his name, be aware of the potential for at least four years of devastating alarm and being floored should McCain win.

Examples:

Suspect that global warming is a leftist farce perpetuated by Al Gore and like-minded liberals to get Americans out of their cars in order to save rare species of cross eyed mosquitoes and flying worms?

Believe that lower taxes, even for the rich and powerful, will benefit the American economy and all Americans, whereas raising taxes will sound the death knell for economic growth for everyone, rich and poor?

Agree that the wages earned by CEOs and business moguls on Wall Street are excessive and must be subject to monitoring and control by the government?

Concerned that granting amnesty to 12-38 million illegal aliens will destroy American language and culture as well as the US economy, education, health care, and reliance on the rule of law?

John McCain is on the wrong side of all of these issues and would deliver doses of alarm and flooring just about every day!

In addition, a vote for John McCain would guarantee the decay of America into a third world existence! By the way, how is your Spanish?

Of course, Barack Obama is 100 times worse than McCain. But why must Americans choose between an unmitigated disaster and a partially mitigated disaster?

Why not vote for Chuck Baldwin, the only real conservative running for the presidency!

jwl
8-18

By John W. Lillpop

In a magnificent tribute to the superiority of American culture, language, and food, Michael Phelps has once again rewritten history by earning his unprecedented eighth Olympic gold medal of the 2008 Olympics.

Bravo to the young man in red, white, and blue who may have to move to Fort Knox, Kentucky for security reasons, so much gold has he acquired.

Phelps’ timing is particularly excellent, coming as it does just as the Democrat Party is about to nominate an America-hating Marxist with Jihadist tendencies in the personage of Barack Obama to be 44th president of the United States.

Each and every American citizen who truly loves America will join in the celebration of Michael Phelps, while praying for the political demise of Barack Hussein Obama.

For the full story of Michael Phelps and his conquest of the world, see the link below.

God Bless America and Michael Phelps!

Source:

        Satire, Courtesy of John W. Lillpop

Although I emphatically believe that Barack Hussein Obama (Barry) is the least qualified, most anti-American candidate ever to get this far in a legitimate challenge for the US presidency, I would hate to see the man fall victim to the evil Clintonistas in Denver two weeks hence.

Team Obama seems to have been lulled into a false sense of trust this week as they agreed to let Hillary’s name be placed in nomination. They erred again by agreeing to let Slick Willie address the convention, a most unfortunate indicator of the moral depravity which has overwhelmed the Democrat Party.

To be perfectly honest, Bill Clinton should be in perjurer’s recovery and, once graduated therefrom, should be arrested and forced into an involuntary stint at a home for sexual predators/recovering liars.

All in all, Slick should be confined until he reaches his 70th birthday, or until Hillary abandons his sorry self in favor of a real black man.

Those options make more sense than foisting this salty old bird on the American people eight years after we got rid of he and his kleptomaniac spouse, who is, this very day, selling White House china and foot stools in order to retire her campaign debt!

Amazing, is it not Hillary, how the flow of money dries up once the likes of Norman Hsu are no longer around to extort money and commit fraud on your behalf?

Thank the Lord for fraud opportunities in the book writing racket, a corrupt industry that has rewarded both Hillary and Slick Willie handsomely for lying non-stop across two hundred plus pages of double-spaced malarkey.

But back to the black prophet (profit?), the Hildabeast, and the convention in Denver, also known as the Looming Freak Show!

Again, everyone knows that the Messiah is a genius and incapable of making a mistake. Still, in my humble view, Barack Obama needs to keep a very careful eye out for Hillary and Slick during the convention.

Remember two things, Barry:

1. Hillary has warned America and the world, and especially you, that she was obligated to continue her battle for the Oval Office just in case something awful like, perish the thought, an untimely assassination should occur.

Please understand that we would never suggest that Hillary might resort to extreme measures like murder, just to claw her way back into the White House.

Still, there are several unanswered questions about Vince Foster and other Clinton associates who have left this dimension under very eerie circumstances.

To be on the safe side, do not turn your back to Hillary, and do not go out to tilt a few cold ones with Slick Willie.

Instead, stick with the likes of Reverend Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, but be sure to always wear a heavy duty athletic cup when hanging with those dark dudes. Hide all knives and cutting scissors just to be safe.

2. In conjunction with the above, remember that Hillary has only “suspended” her campaign, she has not yet folded her tent.

How long do you suppose it would take the Clinton team to renovate and re-roll out the “Hillary for President in 2008!” campaign upon learning of a tragic event that would render the Anointed One unavailable?

Educated guess: Hillary could have fired-up volunteers on the ground in all fifty states in less time than it would take to explain the difference between Georgia the nation and Georgia the American state to Barry!

Again, Barry Needs to Watch His Backside Around Hillary in Denver!

Have You Heard? Detroit Mayor Kilpatrick Is a DEMOCRAT!

Herewith a Democrat!

By John W. Lillpop

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, a DEMOCRAT, has had a most interesting week, even for a DEMOCRAT.

On Thursday, DEMOCRAT Mayor Kilpatrick spent the night in a one-man jail cell with no TV and a phone only for collect calls, the consequence of violating his bond in a criminal case that has dogged the DEMOCRAT for months.

On Friday, Kilpatrick, a DEMOCRAT, was released from jail just in time to receive two felony assault charges filed by the Michigan Attorney General’s office.

Apparently, the Detroit DEMOCRAT manhandled meddlesome interlopers trying to serve a subpoena. Allegedly, that is.

Of course, the liberal-infested media ignored Kilpatrick’s party affiliation, a blessing hardly ever bestowed on Republicans caught in the untidy cross hairs of justice.

Which reminds me, did I mention that Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is a DEMOCRAT?

By John W. Lillpop

With all the bloody infighting, back stabbing, and nut cutting going on between Democrats these days, it is questionable whether this party of asses can survive long enough to hold their convention in Denver on August 25-28.

In the latest kerfuffel, former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards has admitted to an extramarital affair with one Rielle Hunter. Ever conscious of his image, Edwards made sure to point out that his tryst with Hunter happened while wife Elizabeth’s cancer was in remission.

That is sure to endear the jerk to hypocritical liberals eager to point out that Republican Newt Gingrich dumped his wife while she was being treated in a hospital.

However, other Democrats are wondering if Edwards should skip this convention, thereby saving the party loads of bad PR and embarrassment in an extremely tight election cycle.

Hoever, there is a complication: Democrats have just agreed to let Slick Willie, the president, sex addict, and perjurer who gave us “I did not have sex with that woman,” address the conventioneers during prime time.

On what basis, then, can the asses deny Edwards the right to make a fool of himself in front of party faithful and millions of television viewers?

John Edwards has another distinct moral advantage over Slick Willie: He did not lie under oath!

In fact, the rising star, now in descent, let it all hang out when he said, in part, the following:

“If you want to beat me up - feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.”*

Given that naked mea culpa, I say kick Slick Willie off the stage and let John Edwards have his say.

After all, a humble Democrat willing to be beaten up may be just what voters are lusting for in 2008!

*

LATIMES:

        Satire By John Lillpop

Change Stew is the perfect dish to serve at same sex weddings, late-term abortion baby showers, assisted suicide going away parties and US military surrender ceremonies.

Best if served with fresh pot, cocaine, and or heroin in recyclable mud bowls labeled “GD America!” in Arabic.

Serves 300 million for four years. Discard at end of term; do not reheat.

Ingredients

Waffles

Hate America red meat Sautéed in Marxism and Jihad

Inexperience, poor judgment, lack of significant achievement

Overdone audacity and raw arrogance

Appeasement olive branches

Bilingual mumbo gumbo

Anti-filibuster voter fraud

Kosher Ham

Dessert: Rainbow ice cream topped with chopped black nuts

Directions:

Add to large, green melting pot after removing all Bush residue. Allow ingredients to simmer naturally in sunlight, use no cooking methods that might cause global warming.

Stir often, bring mix to full boil by occasionally adding allegations of racism and bigotry, according to poor taste.

Blend in divisiveness and class warfare for added spice.

For consumers in South Los Angeles, substitute Jalepeno peppers (from Mexico) for Hate America red meat.

Serve with ice cold People’s Temple Kool-Aide.

Note: Diverse ingredients subject to constant change without advance notice.

Satire By John Lillpop

In his drive to lock up the black and Native American voting blocs for November, Barack Obama recently advised people in those groups that they deserve much more than words of apology.

The candidate did so by saying, in part, “I consistently believe that…. the most important thing for the U.S. government to do is not just offer words, but offer deeds.”

Story*

To those not yet conversant in Obamaease, “deeds” means cold hard cash, as in reparations.

Given Obama’s overwhelming generosity when it comes to giving away other people’s treasure, one wonders why he limited his socialist scheme to blacks and native Americans?

After all, there must be tens of millions of reparations-worthy folk who could be tempted to Vote Obama, provided that the right financial incentives were on the table.

For example, what about Mexicans, both those living here and in Mexico?

Angry white folks stole land rightfully belonging to Mexico more than 150 years ago. Never mind that Mexicans stole the land from Native Americans, the fact is that angry whites conquered the land, established English as the native tongue, and treated Mexicans so poorly that only about 40 million or so have even bothered to come back as illegal aliens!

The devastation to the self-esteem of Mexicans has been enormous.

Think about it: If the “manifest destiny” pursued by white dudes had petered out, say, in Ohio, today the nation of Mexico would be the technology, financial, military, and cultural capitol of the world.

As it is, because land-hungry Caucasians marched relentlessly from sea to shining sea, Mexico has been relegated to a third-world player known mostly for exporting illiterate peasants and salmonella-tainted peppers!

The utter humiliation of being recognized as a Mexican in today’s high-technology, sophisticated world should entitle all persons so victimized to free education, health care, housing, and food, or roughly the equivalent of the McCain-Kennedy amnesty debacle from last summer, courtesy of American taxpayers, of course.

Team Obama has recently committed $20 million in campaign funds to reach out to Latino voters. A far more effective and less expensive (for Obama) alternative would be to promise reparations for all Mexicans on both sides of the border!

Then we have the British.

Yes, I know the Brits are wonky, imperialist Caucasians themselves.

However, in the interest of fairness, Obama should consider the irreparable damage done to the British Empire by that band of angry white men in the 1770s.

You know, Barack, those American rebels who mucked up the world with radical concepts like independence, democracy, freedom, equality, and other contemptuous notions aimed squarely at British Royalty.

Losing their American colony to folks like George Washington, Paul Revere, Thomas Jefferson and other American scalawags devastated the British and eventually cost royalty its preeminence around the globe.

Therefore, Americans must be held accountable for ripping off King George III and the kings and queens that followed. No less than a few trillion dollars should be committed in reparations to the Queen, her mum, and all British subjects deemed reparations-worthy by the ACLU and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco.

Finally, in the unlikely event that there is a single dime that has not been shipped off to compensate those who have suffered real or imagined abuse at the hands of angry white Americans, Team Obama could look into reparations for the original African ancestors of notable Americans like Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, Barry Bonds, and other superstars in the NBA, the NFL and major league baseball.

Africa has seen many of its talented sons and daughters exploited in order to entertain rich white Americans while devastating Africa’s professional basketball, golf, baseball, football, acting, and music industries.

For those crimes, someone should pay. And according to Barack Obama, that “someone” should be American taxpayers!

* WND: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=71043